Labels, Fixed Identities, and Suffering

As social beings, we constantly label and compartmentalize ourselves. We see it as a helpful tool, a way to create order and organization in our lives.

"I'm an introvert"

"He's an extrovert"

“She’s so worry-free”

“They are talkative people”

As commonly as we use those expressions, what if you're both/neither? There are many categories of either/ors to which we constantly refer  - is that limiting our scope of understanding ourselves and others? Is it limiting our happiness?

Zodiac signs are another limiting view of ourselves, while astrologers argue that there is merit to your Zodiac sign, they are most often over-sweeping generalization (Pisces are sensitive, Scorpio are mysterious and quiet, Aries are bossy). When we cling to these fixed identities and fixed egos, we get into trouble. They cause unending suffering in our lives.

Yes, that's a big argument right there - fixed identities = unending suffering.

Whoa.

But if we take it to the micro level we can start to unpack this notion.

I have anxiety. I am medicated for it, and deal with it on a daily basis. Therefore, I have labeled myself as an 'anxious person.'

But there are times when I'm not anxious. In fact, I am more non-anxious than anxious. I can be worry free. So why don't I label myself as a 'worry free' person? Because not worrying seems like the norm, so being anxious and worrisome is a burden in my life, becoming the 'problem' that needs to be addressed and needs to be labeled.

Here's what I run up against, however, when I label myself as anxious.

Whether I realize it or not, it becomes my default identity.

When I have a spell of anxiety I know exactly what to do - cry, curl up in a ball, remain silent, feel panicked. Those places have become uncomfortably comfortable (or is it comfortably uncomfortable?) to me because that's how I’ve labeled myself.

"I do this every time I get anxious so it makes sense, these are the habits of an anxious person."

But what about when I don't feel anxious? Wait, that's not my identity, that doesn’t feel right, it's unknown and it's scary, right? As counter-intuitive as it may sound, the good, worry-free feelings turn out to be the scary ones! I have backed myself into a corner with this fixed label, so when I don't fall under it, my identity is questioned, my reality is groundless.

By releasing the notion of being an ‘anxious person’ or even a ‘worry-free person’, we free ourselves from those constraints and can move through life feeling emotions and having experiences that we refuse to latch on to while still acknowledging their presence as they come and go. Embracing the groundless nature of life and letting go of the illusion of fixed identities is the key to ending our personal suffering.

What identities do you hold on to? Do they cause suffering?