Social Media and External Validation
Because of my age, and the network circles of high school, college, and graduate school friends, there have been an overwhelming amount of social media posts regarding relationships, engagements, marriages, and the birth of children on my mini feed.
All of this can be reason to complain, block, or de-friend for fear of gagging, but before I do that I wonder – WHY is it that we feel that gag reflex from the Facebook or Instagram milestones?
Now that we have social media looking us in the face at every moment, there is constant comparison to each other. Everything you see about someone’s life in a small snippet on your mini feed suddenly is placed up against your own journey, and a ‘better or worse’ tangle ensues. While we may say, 'oh GOD these “friends” of mine are just looking for attention' and dismiss the milestone altogether, the comparisons still linger in our subconscious.
“Wow, she looks fantastic after losing 30 pounds, and I’m still disgusting over here” or “Eww, my ex is dating the ugliest girl right now, glad I got out of that relationship” become dialogues in our head as we browse aimlessly through our feeds, and we often aren’t even conscious about the support or rejection we feel towards our “friends” on Facebook or Instagram to whom we may not even have spoken since high school.
Social media has made this SO easy, and we are doing it so frequently that it doesn’t seem like a big deal. It’s not hurting anyone, right? The other person may not be affected, but YOU are. Whether you notice or not, this constant comparison is an external source of validation, either positive or negative, which can be detrimental.
In my own personal journey to happiness, one goal I have is to lessen external validations. THIS IS HARD. It will continue to be a struggle for the rest of my life, and I would guess many, many other people out there. Internal dialogues can be nasty, often the nastiest feedback we are given, which is a shame since it is from ourselves that this negativity arises.
We don’t need anyone to tell us we’re smart, pretty, fit, funny, successful – just as long as we have an internal gauge of those qualities that we project and work to be as kind and grateful every single day for our own existence. So next time you’re browsing social media, take time to be mindful about the emotions or reactions you have to each milestone you see from someone. And if you are posting your own milestone, don’t do it simply for the responses – know that even if nobody knew you landed a new job or got engaged, that this milestone would still be just as significant.