In darkness

Photo by Rahul from Pexels

In darkness, I am afraid.

I count my fingers up and down,

one, two, three, four,

three, two, one.

Creating pattern,

preserving form through my chaotic swirl.

Eyes seared tightly,

my traitorous mind

startles awake by Her

own fits of laughter.

Mocked, ridiculed.

'I trusted you!' I say.

We've had this chat before.

She hears nothing 

and speaks in tongues that

chill and prickle my exposed flesh.

An ocean pours inside me

once more.

And so I tread.

In darkness, I am afraid.

I churn faster,

Her laugh cuts short.

'Don't you remember?' She chides.

'Darkness is the place where the most brilliant,

blinding cracks can shine.

Without me

there is no light.'

So I sit. Afraid.

Inhaling the perfume of pure absence

I've smelled one thousand times.

I lift a lid, then peel the other

and find that crack of light.

The bathroom door,

the glow of a waxing summer moon.

And She will yawn,

Her wicked giggles fading from a rattle to a hum.